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| The rules. http://mildcogs.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=38&t=125 |
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| Author: | pax [ Fri Aug 27, 2010 12:41 pm ] |
| Post subject: | The rules. |
-Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience. -Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car. -We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police. -The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list. -If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong. -Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich. -Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad. -Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason. -Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand. -Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't. -If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong... -If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining. -If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhoea... does that mean that one enjoys it? -If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments. -Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs. -I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay checks. -A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it. -A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing. -I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it... so I said "Implants?" -The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room. -God must love stupid people. He made SO many. -The sole purpose of a child's middle name, is so he can tell when he's really in trouble. -A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. -The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas! -Some people say "If you can't beat them, join them". I say "If you can't beat them, beat them", because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise. -You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice. -Laugh at your problems, everybody else does. -Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity. -It's not the fall that kills you; it's the sudden stop at the end. -We have enough gun control. What we need is idiot control. -My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right. -Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with. -When in doubt, mumble. -Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen. -A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying." -Women may not hit harder, but they hit lower. Ugly too. -My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're -I should've known it wasn't going to work out between my ex-wife and me. After all, I'm a Libra and she's a bitch. -There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away. -I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure. -I don't trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die. -You're never too old to learn something stupid. -You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket... I'd miss you heaps and think of you often. -To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target. -A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer. -Virginity is like a soap bubble, one prick and it is gone. -If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you! -Hallmark Card: "I'm so miserable without you, it's almost like you're still here." -If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child? -Whoever coined the phrase "Quiet as a mouse" has never stepped on one. |
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