Mildcogs Forum

COPPER WIRE

After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, British scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 200 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 150 years ago.

Not to be outdone by the Brit's, in the weeks that followed, an American archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet, and shortly after, a story published in the New York Times: "American archaeologists, finding traces of 250-year-old copper wire, have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network 50 years earlier than the British".

One week later, the state’s Dept of Minerals and Energy in Western Australia , reported the following:

"After digging as deep as 30 feet in Western Australia ’s Pilbara region, Jack Lucknow, a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely fuck all. Jack has therefore concluded that 250 years ago, Australia had already gone wireless."

Just makes you bloody proud to be Australian.

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The Cow, an Ant and an Old Fart


A cow, an ant and an old fart are debating on who is the greatest of the three of them.

The cow said, "I give 20 quarts of milk every day and that's why I am the greatest!"

The ant said, "I work day and night, summer and winter, I can carry 52 times my own weight and that's why I am the greatest!"





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Why are you scrolling down? It's your turn to say something...

Bob was excited about his new rifle and decided to try bear hunting. He
travelled up to Alaska, spotted a small brown bear and shot it. Soon
after there was a tap on his shoulder, and he turned around to see a
big black bear.

The black bear said, "That was a very bad mistake. That was my cousin.
I'm going to give you two choices. Either I maul you to death or we
have
sex."


After considering briefly, Bob decided to accept the latter
alternative.
So the black bear had his way with Bob.


Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Bob soon recovered and vowed
revenge. He headed out on another trip to Alaska where he found the
black bear and shot it dead. Right after, there was another tap on his
shoulder.
This time a huge grizzly bear stood right next to him. The grizzly
said,

"That was a big mistake, Bob. That was my cousin and you've got two
choices:
Either I maul you to death or I have sex with you."


Again, Bob thought it was better to cooperate with the grizzly bear
than
be mauled to death. So the grizzly had his way with Bob.


Although he survived, it took several months before Bob fully
recovered.
Now Bob was completely outraged, so he headed back to Alaska and
managed to
track down the grizzly bear and shoot it. He felt sweet revenge, but
then, moments later, there was a tap on his shoulder. He turned around
to find a giant polar bear standing there.

The polar bear looked at him and said, "Admit it Bob, you don't come
here for the hunting, do you?"

recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets.
'We don't have half dozen nuggets,' said the teenager at the counter. 'You don't?' I replied.
'We only have six, nine, or twelve, was the reply.
'So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?' 'That's right.' So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets. (Unbelievable but sadly true....)

TWO
I was checking out at the local Kmart with just a few items and the lady
behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those 'dividers' that they keep by the cash register, and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed. After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the 'divider', looking it all over for the barcode so she could scan it. Not finding the bar code, she said to me, 'Do you know how much this is?' I said to her 'I've changed my mind; I don't think I'll buy that today.' She said 'OK,' and I paid her for the things and left. She had no clue to what had just happened.

THREE
A woman at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly. When I inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM 'thingy.' (keep shuddering!!)

FOUR
I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. 'Do you need some help?' I asked. She replied, 'I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote
oor unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this? 'Hmmm, I don't know. Do you have an alarm, too?' I asked. 'No, just this remote thingy,' she answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, 'Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk....' PLEASE just lay down before you hurt yourself !!!

FIVE
Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, 'I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?' 'Just use paper from the photocopier', the secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five 'blank' copies. Brunette, by the way!!

SIX
A mother calls 000 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to take her kid to the emergency room, the kid had eaten ants. The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and he should be fine, the mother says, 'I just gave him some ant killer......' Dispatcher: 'Rush him in to emergency!'

Life is tough. It's even tougher if you're stupid !!!!

A guy calls his buddy, the horse rancher, and says he's sending a friend over to look at a horse. His buddy asks, "How will I recognize him?"
"That's easy; he's a midget with a speech impediment."

So, the midget shows up, and the guy asks him if he's looking for a male or female horse. "A female horth." So he shows him a prized filly. "Nith lookin horth. Can I thee her eyeth"? So the guy picks up the midget and he gives the horse's eyes the once over.
"Nith eyeth, can I thee her earzth"? So he picks the little fella up again, and shows him the horse's ears.
"Nith earzth, can I see her mouf"? The rancher is getting pretty ticked off by this point, but he picks him up again and shows him the horse's mouth.
"Nice mouf, can I see her twat"? Totally mad as fire at this point, the rancher grabs him under his arms and rams the midget's head as far as he canup the horse's fanny, pulls him out and slams him on the ground. The midget gets up, sputtering and coughing.
"Perhapth I should rephrase that. Can I thee her wun awound a widdlebit"?

A tough looking group of bikers are out riding when they see a girl about to jump of a bridge, so they stop.



The leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, ”What are you doing?"



"I'm going to commit suicide," she says. While he did not want to appear insensitive, he didn't want to miss an opportunity, so he asked, "Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a kiss?"



So, she does, and it was a long, deep lingering kiss. After she's finished, the biker says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I've ever had! That's a real talent you are wasting. You could be famous. Why are you committing suicide?"






"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl......"

An Honest Face ....




A Newfie goes down to the Grand Bank wharf looking for work and comes up to

the captain of a fishing boat and says,'Hey Capt'n got any work fer Me?'




The captain gives him a 28 page job application and says 'Fill this out and bring it back to me'.
So two days later the Newfie brings it back and gives it to the Captain.


The captain takes a quick look at it and says 'OK, you're hired,now go on board and find something to do.'
Just then, this Japanese guy comes up to the captain and says, 'Lookie wok, need wok.'


The captain tells him 'OK you're hired.' The Newfie is standing right there and asks the captain 'Hey, you made
me fill out a 28 page job application and you just hired this guy like that, Why?"


Captain replies 'He's got an honest face'.


The Newfie sighs and walks onto the boat, all upset. A few days later, they're out to sea and the Newfie is up in the crow's
nest looking for icebergs and the Japanese guy is down on the deck mopping the deck. Just then, this great big wave comes

along and washes the Japanese guy overboard.


The Newfie gets down out of the crow's nest and walks into the Captain's' office and says:

"Remember that Japanese guy you hired with the honest face?


Well, he just fucked off with your mop!"

My grandaughter, Jaime, asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to our local pet shop.

They wanted $75 for a pet spider!!

Bullshit to that ... I can get one cheaper off the web!!

My boss has just told me I have to go and work in Seoul for a couple of weeks.

When I bitched about it, he told me it as a good Korea move!